What did the boss tell Jimmy Cricket the day he got a job selling Kleenex tissues… ?
Read below to get the answer to this gag – and there are plenty more one-liners here for you to enjoy.
Ever-green comic Jimmy Cricket keeps all his fans and followers laughing with a regular joke posted on Twitter.
And below are some more his latest quips for you to enjoy.
I was in a restaurant last night and the waitress gave me the wrong meal. It was meant for a GP on the next table. Afterwards, she said “Did you enjoy it?” I said: “Oh yes, it was just what the doctor ordered!”
I was in this pub and a fella came up holding a tabloid newspaper over his head and swearing. He called me every name under the sun!
I’d only been in this restaurant a few minutes when a prawn cocktail hit me on the back of the head. When I turned round there was a big, tough-looking fella there. He said: “That’s just for starters!”
Things are tough in showbiz these days and you have to grasp every opportunity… I rang up directory enquiries and the voice said: “Your call may be recorded.” So I sang two songs and now I’m waiting for the CD!
You know the way if some people have coffee they can’t sleep. I’m the exact opposite… if I’m asleep I can’t have coffee.
I’ll never forget the day I got the job selling Kleenex tissues… the boss said I would go far if I kept my nose clean.
Energy bills are soaring, but I’ve got a great way to cut down on electricity… I only plug the electric clock in when I want to know the time.
I knew a man who lost an ear and the hospital transplanted on a pig’s ear. After the operation they let him listen to the radio on his earphones. He said: “Doctor, in that new ear there’s a bit of crackling!”
And there’s more…
I’ve just been to a restaurant that had a very rude waiter… I asked for a leg of mutton and he gave me the cold shoulder.
I’ve just been to see that new movie about a hurricane… it blew me away.
If it had have been three wise women that first Christmas – they would have arrived five minutes early, made sure the gifts were double wrapped, helped deliver the baby, cleaned out the stable, cooked a casserole and there would be peace on earth.
I’ve just been to Specsavers… what an experience. It was a real eye opener.
When you and your partner have the same taste in shoes, then you know you’re soul mates.
Also, keep up to date with everything he’s doing and saying at https://twitter.com/jimmy__cricket