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jimmy cricket

There’s more… what sound does a witch make when she drives off? 150 150 mhamer

There’s more… what sound does a witch make when she drives off?

What sound does a witch make when she drives off?

You’ll find the answer below – and there are plenty more one-liners for you to enjoy.

Popular Northern Irish comedian Jimmy Cricket keeps all his fans and followers entertained with a regular joke posted on Twitter.

Funnyman Jimmy Cricket tells regular jokes online

Here’s another selection of his latest quips for you to enjoy…

I’ve just found out that 50% of anglers are using the wrong fishing bait… if this gets out it could open a can of worms!

It’s great getting older… you get to see what happens next.

I took a parcel into the post office and the fella behind the counter weighed it… he said: “This is too heavy, you need another stamp.” I said: “Another stamp will make it even heavier!”

The man that runs the local shoe repairs shop hasn’t been feeling too well lately… but I’m happy to say he’s on the mend!

Blackpool is one of the cleanest of our seaside resorts… even the seagulls use the public toilets.

Our window cleaner has got the whole street sown up… nobody else can get a look in!

I’ve just seen a very rare painting of Chief Sitting Bull… it’s the only one where he’s standing up!

Last night I ate my pillow, this morning I munched on a cushion and tomorrow I’m going to gorge out on my sofa… you just can’t beat comfort food.

Okay followers, come closer. How’s this one…. what sound does a witch make when she drives off? Broom! Broom!

I hope the chancellor puts money into small businesses and the housing sector. It’ll mean window cleaners will be able to get on the property ladder.

I told my friend it was a mistake to have plastic surgery. It was as plain as the nose on his forehead.

James Bond once had a lucky escape from an earthquake! He was shaken but not stirred.

They’ve asked me to do a reality programme about a group of people sharing a boat on a canal… I told them I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole.

See more of funnyman Jimmy’s jokes and keep up to date with everything he’s doing at

Also read – From the archives: Jimmy the Butlin’s camp comic!


Lionel Blair ‘brought a special kind of magic’ 150 150 mhamer

Lionel Blair ‘brought a special kind of magic’

Lionel Blair - everyone's friend

Jimmy Cricket devoted his latest newspaper column to the late, great Lionel Blair.

Veteran entertainer, TV presenter and dancer Lionel died aged 92 in November.

His amazing stage and screen career spanned eight decades.

Jimmy called his piece in the Lancashire Evening Post (see above) “my tribute to one of our finest entertainers and also one of the nicest guys in showbusiness!”.

His column began: “When Eamonn Holmes once introduced Lionel Blair on television he described him as ‘showbusiness royalty’ – few would disagree.

“Lionel’s career was breathtaking in its longevity.

“The son of Russian-Jewish parents, he was born in Canada.

“Then, when the family migrated to London, both he and his sister Joyce performed in underground stations during the Blitz.

“It was watching the great Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies as a child that generated in Lionel a love for dancing, especially tap.

“Like Fred he started out dancing with his sister Joyce and during the 60s he went on to be one of the best tap dancers in the country.”

Jimmy’s column also mentioned his first encounter with Lionel in the early eighties.

He said it was “when my agent at the time, Phyllis Rounce, took me to a West End theatre where Lionel was playing the leading role in a musical called Mr Cinders.

“It was a male version of the panto Cinderella, in which a downtrodden son has to put up with two bullying bigger brothers.


“Lionel played the part for all he was worth – singing, dancing and getting the audience’s sympathy when the plot warranted it.

“After the show we went backstage and Lionel was just as bubbly offstage as on.

“The conversation got around to the television series Give Us a Clue and he suggested I would be ideal for it.

“A few weeks later, true to his word, I got the invite to appear on the show.

“I’m not sure whether I was ideal for it, but it illustrated perfectly that Lionel was a man who followed through his words with actions.

“A few years later, when I was working in Nottingham and came down to breakfast at the hotel I was staying in, I found Lionel sitting at a table waving me over.

“With his enthusiasm and love of showbiz, Lionel turned what would have normally been a sleepy eyed quiet breakfast into an evening dinner party.

“Another time I met him when he was playing Buttons in Cinderella at the Davenport Theatre in Stockport.”

Jimmy’s column concluded: “Wherever he worked in whatever theatre in the country, he brought a special kind of magic to it.”

Also read on this website: Lionel Blair RIP: He lit up every room he entered


Jimmy’s ’emotional’ Christmas card for 2021… 150 150 mhamer

Jimmy’s ’emotional’ Christmas card for 2021…

Jimmy Cricket's Christmas card for 2021

Jimmy Cricket’s Christmas card for 2021 has him pictured putting fuel in his car, saying: “I’m so emotional… I’m just filling up.”

The popular Northern Irish comedian posted the jokey image on social media.

And he included a message wishing all his friends, followers and fans “a wonderful Festive Season and A very Happy and Healthy New Year in 2022!”.

Jimmy’s post got more than 200 comments on his Facebook account alone.

His Christmas cards sometimes have a topical theme to them.

For example, last year’s featured Dominic Cummings’ controversial trip to Barnard Castle during the first coronavirus lockdown.

It featured Jimmy dressed as Father Christmas telling Cummings: “They are the strongest glass we make in Lapland, Dominic!”

Boris Johnson’s former chief aide Cummings had admitted he drove to Barnard Castle with his wife and child at the end of his lockdown-busting trip to County Durham.

He insisted he made the journey to test his eyesight before making the long drive home to London.

He had made the 260-mile trip north in late spring at a time when he and his wife Mary were displaying symptoms of Covid-19.

It led to claims they were enjoying a day out rather than self-isolating.

Police later found Cummings may have breached the law during the trip to Barnard Castle, but said they would not fine or prosecute him.

Cummings refused to leave his role despite the national controversy it caused.

Naughty list

He finally left No 10 in November after an internal power struggle.

Jimmy also chose a political theme for his 2019 Christmas card – the way Westminster MPs behaved over Brexit.

It showed him telling her majesty the Queen that all members of parliament are on the naughty list.

(Tradition has it that Father Christmas – also known as Santa Claus – has two lists: the naughty list and the nice list.

He checks over his list twice. If you are nice you get presents. If you are naughty you get a lump of coal in your stocking.)

Prime Minister Boris Johnson reportedly apologised to the Queen after the Supreme Court ruled his decision to prorogue (suspend) Parliament earlier that year was unlawful.

Read the full story: Christmas card features naughty MPs and the Queen

Northern Irish comedian Jimmy has traditionally created his own customised Christmas card over the years.

Jimmy Cricket's Christmas card features the Only Fools and Horses’ sketch staring regular cast members David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst, plus special Comic Relief guest David Beckham

It is usually based on a photograph that has represented in some way an event from the previous 12 months.

In 2012 he picked a picture of Usain Bolt and Mo Farah, which was one of the iconic images from the London Olympics.

The followed year, it was a photo associated with the theft of his concrete wellies, which was widely covered in the media.

And his 2014 card (pictured right) featured a sketch which took place during that year’s Comic Relief event.

The card recalled the Only Fools and Horses charity scene starring regular cast members David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst.

In addition, it featured former England and Manchester United footballer David Beckham.

Famous entertainer Jimmy was included on the card as if part of the get-together and referenced his famous Mammy!

Jimmy Cricket's Christmas card 2020

Also read: Christmas card features that eyesight trip by Dominic Cummings

London Palladium: My live show sketch was cancelled 150 150 mhamer

London Palladium: My live show sketch was cancelled

Hi folks! Here’s a story from my November column @leponline where I got cancelled for a show at the London Palladium, but this star studded show went on,Face with tears of joy Face with tears of joy sometimes thats Showbusiness! #keepvarietyalive

Jimmy Cricket once turned up at the London Palladium to do a sketch – but ended up waiting months to finally do it.

The popular comic had been booked for one of the shows being shown live in front of an audience and on national television.

However, as Jimmy revealed in his monthly column in the Lancashire Evening Post, things didn’t quite go to plan…

Jimmy’s column began: “It was the nineties and London Weekend Television’s Head of Light Entertainment David Bell had brought back the London Palladium to our television screen on Sunday nights.

“Renamed Live from the London Palladium, the show featured an eclectic mix of top American and British artistes.

“David loved variety and had the uncanny knack of transporting the live show experience into our living rooms.

“The show was a big hit with viewers.

“Sadly, no longer with us, we will never see David’s like again.


“I was booked on one of the shows as a surprise guest to come on and do a short sketch with the show’s host, Jimmy Tarbuck.”

However, as Jimmy recalled, one of the other acts overran because of a misunderstanding.

And as Jimmy’s sketch was a surprise one and hence not scheduled, it was his part which fell by the way.

He said he ended up watching the show from the balcony in the audience!

And there was to be a happy ending to the tale…

The show’s apologetic producer Marcus Plantin promised Jimmy a slot on the show in the next series.

Marcus was true to his word.

Jimmy did do a six-minute slot on Live from the London Palladium the following autumn.

Also read on this website: Jimmy ‘thrilled’ to host London Palladium event

Francis House: Big congratulations for turning 30! 150 150 mhamer

Francis House: Big congratulations for turning 30!

Big Congratulations to Francis HouseCH who have officially turned 30yrs old pictured here at the official opening is Princess Diana alongside the instigator of the project Sister Aloysius, and me with the original architect and now Director David Ireland #supportyourlocalhospice

Jimmy Cricket has congratulated his favourite charity, Francis House Children’s Hospice, for turning 30 years old.
Francis House reached the memorable milestone on Thursday 25 November.
Jimmy said on social media: “Big Congratulations to @FrancisHouseCH who have officially turned 30 yrs old.
“Pictured here (see photo above) at the official opening is Princess Diana alongside the instigator of the project Sister Aloysius.
“And me with the original architect and now Director David Ireland #supportyourlocalhospice.”
Jimmy has raised more than half-a-million pounds for the south Manchester charity over the years.
That is thanks to countless touring shows and parish hall events across two decades.
Came across this Francis House booklet sent to me by @FrancisHouseCH because of my involvement over the last eighteen years of fundraising, with my good friend Jim Nicholas. The Hospice was first conceived by Sister Aloysius and Fr Mulheran, now run by the architect and Pastor David Ireland.
Based in Didsbury, Francis House cares for children and young adults with life-threatening conditions.
It provides a home from home where families receive professional care, support and friendship.

Sister Aloysius and Fr Thomas Mulheran set up the Rainbow Family Trust in the early 1990s as a charity.

They were concerned about the lack of palliative care for the families of children with a short-life expectancy.

The late Diana, Princess of Wales, officially opened the seven-bedroom Francis House in November 1991.

Francis House replied: And we love this fun pic of you from your 70th fun run and one of Jim on the back cover!

Read a timeline of the history of the hospice’s history here

Also see: Francis House benefits from Rochdale ‘jam’ night

To celebrate its anniversary, the hospice is asking supporters, staff, volunteers and families to share their favourite memory.

Share your memories here

Also read: Francis House: 18 years of fundraising for hospice

Lyndene Hotel: Seventh season already lined up 150 150 mhamer

Lyndene Hotel: Seventh season already lined up

Jimmy is appearing at the Lyndene Hotel for a seventh season

Jimmy Cricket will enjoy a SEVENTH season at his favourite Blackpool hotel.

The famous Northern Irish comic has appeared regularly at the popular Lyndene over the past few years.

His performances there were limited during 2020 and for part of this year because of the coronavirus pandemic.

But he has performed there on the first Wednesday of every month since July and is now set for another season.

He posted on social media: “It’s time for Turkey and Tinsel at Blackpool’s ever popular Hotel @LyndeneHotel.

“I will be back for my 7th year, (the first Wednesday of every month from July through to December 2022) #liveperformance.”

The Lyndene appeared as the Le Ponderosa in the second series of Peter Kay’s TV hit comedy Phoenix Nights.

It is perched on the seafront and is one of Blackpool’s unique venues as it welcomes tourists and visitors all year round.

Lyndene Hotel in Blackpool

The hotel has more than 100 fully equipped and tastefully decorated en suite bedrooms.

See all Jimmy’s booked shows


My Basil Brush TV sketch never shown on TV! 150 150 mhamer

My Basil Brush TV sketch never shown on TV!

Hi folks! Here's the true story about the sketch I did with the wonderful Basil Brush back in the 1980s that was edited out of the show, for reasons beyond our control! That's Showbiz! #sketchshows

Jimmy Cricket did a TV sketch with Basil Brush in the 1980s – but it was never broadcast.

The popular Northern Irish comic has told readers of the Lancashire Evening Post why the comedy piece did not make it on to the small screen.

Jimmy recalled the story in his latest LEP column.

He posted on social media: “Hi folks! Here’s the true story about the sketch I did with the wonderful @realbasilbrush back in the 1980s that was edited out of the show, for reasons beyond our control!

“That’s Showbiz! #sketchshows”.

Basil Brush is a fictional red fox, best known for his appearances on daytime British children’s television since the 1960s.

In his column, Jimmy said: “One of my favourite jokes of Basil Brush is when the late, great actor Derek Fowlds as his sidekick picks up a book and says: ‘And now Basil, I’m going to read the story of ‘The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe’.

“And Basil retorts: ‘Poor ole soul!’  Then he’s straight in with his hearty laugh and memorable catch phrase, “boom! boom!”.


“I‘d always loved Basil from the first time I saw him on TV.

“He had that rare gift of appealing to children and grown-ups alike with his posh voice and impeccable delivery.

“So, you can imagine my excitement when I’m offered my own television series in the mid-eighties and the wise-cracking Fox is to be one of my guests.

“On the first day of rehearsals, I met the man who both created and portrayed Basil – Ivan Owen.

“Ivan was a friendly, unassuming man and, when I was introduced to him, I broke the ice by saying that although Jim Henson’s Muppets had become immensely popular by that time, there was still a place in the nation’s heart for his lovable mischievous creation.

“He politely thanked me and we headed to the nearest café for a cup of tea.

“Basil’s posh upper crust accent I later found out was based on the great English comedy actor and star of the silver screen, Terry Thomas.

Razor-sharp wit

“The glove puppet was made by a top craftsman in that field called Peter Firmin.”

“After we had a run-through with the script, we both headed back to our respective hotels to brush up on our lines.

“The next day we were in the studio and that’s where Ivan really came into his own.

“Clipping the microphone to something resembling a crown and placing it snugly on his head, he climbed underneath the table, put his hand into the glove puppet and, hey presto, up popped a totally believable fox with a razor-sharp wit.

“It was at about 6pm that night when the producer Tony Wolf dropped the bombshell that the electricians would be taking industrial action.

“It would mean we wouldn’t have a studio audience for the show that night.

“He could still shoot and record the two singers, the wonderful Dana and the late great Lena Zavaroni, but would understand if myself and Ivan didn’t want to perform the sketch.

“He also asked me if I would meet the audience members in the Green Room, have a drink with them and apologise for having to send them home which I duly did.

“After chatting with Ivan in his dressing room, we both agreed to perform the sketch that night anyway to an empty studio.

“Of course, we performed like the place was full, but a comedy sketch needs laughter like a Panda needs bamboo shoots, so it was no surprise when a few days later Tony the producer said he was going to edit the sketch out of the final cut.

“So, there you have its folks, I did a sketch with Basil Brush and the only people who saw it were a technical crew in an empty studio.”

Also read: Visit from Theo the Mouse and Wendy