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The first professional review of one of Jimmy Cricket’s shows was not a particularly pleasant one.

The famous funnyman admits that it left him “totally dejected”.

Writing in his monthly column for the Blackpool Gazette, Jimmy recalls the first time a newspaper critic reviewed one of his live shows.

“It was pretty tough to take, but as comedians we all get over it!” he chuckles.

Here is Jimmy’s latest column in full:

I once wrote a play about a group of retired shoe menders on a night out… the next morning the critic for the local newspaper wrote: “What a load of old cobblers!”

Ah, that was just a joke, readers. I just wanted to set things up for this column, which is about the bane of every stage performer’s life – critics!

I was a seasoned entertainer before I had my first encounter with professional reviewers, as they are sometimes called.

You see, I cut my teeth in in the tough world of the North of England clubland and the only people who had any say in whether you got paid or not were the concert secretaries.

They wouldn’t be behind the door in telling you if you hadn’t cut the mustard and if you did well, they could be equally as straightforward with phrases like “you’re too good for a Wednesday, we’ll book you back on a Saturday”.

Besides, those places had their fair share of critics, only they were known as hecklers.

I remember working a club in Liverpool once and I opened a routine with: “Do you think there’s a lot of crime about, folks?”

A guy in the audience shouted out: “Yes, how much are you getting?!”

Cutting me to pieces

Anyway, after I got a break on a TV talent show I landed a week’s booking in the “Theatre Royal” in Brighton, supporting legendary pop star Frankie Vaughan.

Although Frankie had his big hit songs in the 50s and 60s, he oozed such charm and showmanship on stage and he was still a massive draw in the early 80s.

On the Tuesday morning of that week, an excited Mrs Cricket came into the pokey little flat we were sharing with our two-year-old son Dale brandishing the local newspaper.

“You’ve just had your first review”, she shouted excitedly and proceeded to read out every word, following me as I rushed down the stairs to put coins into the parking meter to make sure our car wasn’t towed away.

She was so consumed with enthusiasm that we’d had our first high street newspaper review, I don’t think she even realised this guy was cutting me to pieces.

By the time I’d filled the meter and we’d both got back up the stairs, I slumped down on the bed, thoroughly out of breath and totally dejected.

By this time even herself had realised this chap had given me a roasting.

“Why would an absolute stranger say things like that about my performance?” I blubbered out.

Mrs Cricket’s tone then changed from elation at seeing my name in print to appeasement.

Despondent faces

“It’s nothing personal… these people do it for a living… besides, he said the audience liked you and surely that’s all that matters.”

She was absolutely right of course, but it still hurts.

And after seeing the despondent faces of young pantomime performers having read a negative review the morning after the first night of a panto run, and trying to reassure them they still had a place in the entertainment profession, I vowed not to read any more reviews good or bad.

And my mental wellbeing has improved considerably ever since.

You see, folks, you’re on a hiding to nothing.

If they give you a glowing report, you’re unbearable to live with and if they slate you, it can plunge you into a deep depression.

I’ll leave the last word to my friend and fellow comic, the late Frank Carson.

Frank once asked a renowned theatrical newspaper critic what he thought of his “one-man show”.

The critic replied: “There were too many in the cast!”

Also read: ‘We love nothing more than hearing our guests rave about him’