Never play Monopoly with a boxer… more Twitter one-liners
Why should you never play Monopoly with a boxer… ?
Comic Jimmy Cricket reveals the reason in his latest series of one-liners.
The ever-green entertainer regularly posts jokes on social media to amuse all his fans and friends.
Here is another selection of Jimmy’s latest gags – including the light-hearted answer to the Monopoly question.
I know why Houdini was such a great escapologist… he had a get-out clause in his act.
I’ve just been offered a politically correct version of the pantomime Snow White… in it, the seven little fellas come on singing: “Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, it’s off to woke we go!”
When my Uncle Tom woke up and found that all the hay had been pinched from his barn, he said: “That’s the last straw!”
I’ll never forget the time I wrote a book on wrestling. On the way to the publisher I slipped twice. That was the day I had 2 falls and a submission.
So I was driving along and I saw this fella broke down by the side of the road. I said: “What’s the trouble?” He said: “I’ve run out of petrol.” I said: “Well, I’ve got a full tank, follow me!
Little Bo Peep has shortened her name… oh aye, you’d be hard put to get a peep out of her these days.
Folks I’ve got this theory and I’d like to share it with you… come closer, you know all those reckless drivers that weave in and out of traffic… I think they’re all heading to the same pub… the Cutters Inn!!!
Learning to fry an egg
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the railway track… because he wanted to lay it on the line.
I’ll never forget the time I sent a birthday card to Neil Armstrong… he was over the moon!
It took me ages to learn to fry an egg… then I finally cracked it!
Never play Monopoly with a boxer… he’ll only knock your block off!!
I was in a restaurant yesterday and I just couldn’t decide which fish to have from the menu… I was caught between a rock and a hard plaice!
See more of funnyman Jimmy’s jokes and keep up to date with everything he’s doing at https://twitter.com/jimmy__cricket