heatwave

We hope you’re all coping OK with the record-breaking heatwave that people in the UK and other parts of Europe are currently enduring.

The UK’s record temperature was broken on Tuesday afternoon when it reached 40.3C in Coningsby in Lincolnshire.

The figure surpassed the peak of 40.2C recorded at Heathrow earlier in the day.

Here is another selection of Jimmy Cricket’s jokes to hopefully help you through the long, hot days!

Popular comedian Jimmy keeps all his fans and followers laughing with quickfire jokes regularly posted on social media.

Here are some of his latest one-liners for you to enjoy.

When I was growing up in Ireland, I’d only ever seen the Queen on a postage stamp. So, the very first time I met Her Majesty, I tried to lick the side of her face.

We don’t get the train service. I rang up the railway station. I said: “What time does the next train go to London?” He said: “Look it up online.” I mean, how dangerous is that?

So the barber says to me: “Would you like your hair cut round the back?” I said: “Is there no room in the shop?”

My new sat nav is amazing; yesterday I was passing a zoo and she said: “Bear left.”

The phone in the bedroom of my hotel went off at 7am this morning. The caller said: “Get up, and go out and tear down the nearest statue with anyone who has links to the slave trade.” It was a woke-up call!!

I’ll never forget when our local postman popped his clogs – we put an extra-large stamp on his coffin and gave him a good send off!

When you start to cook a fry-up, you’re never sure how it will pan out.

I don’t like my new boxer shorts… every time I put them in the washing machine, they keep fighting with my pyjamas.

Well, it’s local elections day… I wonder if I vote for Boris will he invite me to one of his parties!?

Remember folks, if you want to live the life of Riley, make sure Riley’s not looking when you pinch his credit card.

I told the doctor I wasn’t well and he told me to have a jump on a trampoline. I said “Will that help?” He said “Oh, you’ll soon bounce back!”

Read more of Jimmy’s jokes here!

Also, keep up to date with everything he’s doing and saying at https://twitter.com/jimmy__cricket