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Ken Dodd and the stolen concrete wellies 150 150 mhamer

Ken Dodd and the stolen concrete wellies

Hi friends! Here is my latest #leponline column, a funny and true story which involves one of the greatest comedians we ever produced, (and whom we all sadly miss) Sir Ken Dodd.

The mystery of Jimmy Cricket’s stolen concrete wellies and why there was a happy ending despite them never being found is the subject of his latest newspaper column.

Writing in the Lancashire Evening Post, the Northern Irish comedian tells the story involving a close and famous friend.

Jimmy said on social media: “Hi friends! Here is my latest #leponline column.

“A funny and true story which involves one of the greatest comedians we ever produced (and whom we all sadly miss), Sir Ken Dodd.”

Here is the column:

Welcome readers, I’d like to share a memory – come closer…

It happened over 30 years ago – 1995 to be precise.

And it happened in a restaurant called Patricks in Rawtenstall, Lancashire.

It was my 50th birthday and my family had hired the restaurant to help me celebrate the occasion.

It was wonderful to sit there surrounded by all my friends.

And although the room was full, I couldn’t help noticing two empty seats right next to me.

Then it happened!

I was just about to swallow a spoonful of soup when two people came through the door – could it be?

No it couldn’t, yes it was! Sir Ken Dodd with Lady Anne by his side.

Any doubts I had that it was the real Doddy were swept aside as they both saddled straight up to our table.

Anne placed a tickling stick down, but Ken was carrying something much heavier and when he plonked down his present the table nearly collapsed!

It was a king-sized pair of concrete wellingtons!

Totally unprepared

As I looked closer, I could see the handwritten inscription To Jimmy, Lots of Happiness – Ken.

Now the mystery of the two empty chairs had been solved.

And for the next couple of hours, I shared my birthday meal with a man whom I had both loved and admired all my life.

The next part of this story takes an unexpected twist.

A few years later I was taken aback when Mrs Cricket broke the news to me that the spot in my front garden that was occupied by my birthday wellies was now empty.

Yes folks, they’d been nicked, and I was gutted.

After informing the police, I rang a local radio station.

I thought it would be a novel little story to amuse the listeners.

But I was totally unprepared for the avalanche of publicity that came my way.

Happy ending

The phone calls and emails from radio presenters and journalists around the country enquiring about my missing wellies just kept coming.

I suppose it was a testament to the esteem and affection the nation held for Ken.

It gave me an idea to write a song called Santa Bring My Wellies Back To Me which raised some money for a children’s hospice in Manchester called Francis House.

So you could say I turned a disadvantage into an advantage.

As for the wellies themselves? Well, I never did get them back, but the story does have a happy ending.

Not long after, my good lady sent off for a pair of concrete wellingtons on eBay, which Sir Ken kindly signed again, and they’ve got pride of place in my living room.

Every time I look over at them, I realis how blessed I was to be friends with one of the greatest comedians that ever landed on planet Earth!

Memoirs Of An Irish Comedian now just £10!

 

Bernie Clifton will have you laughing and crying! 150 150 mhamer

Bernie Clifton will have you laughing and crying!

Bernie Clifton will have you laughing and crying!

Bernie Clifton will have you “laughing hysterically at his visual comedy one minute, and sobbing the next when he performs a song like Bring Him Home from the stage musical Les Misérables”.

Fellow funnyman Jimmy Cricket devoted his latest newspaper column to Bernie, who is still performing despite approaching his 90s.

Below is Jimmy’s April column published in the Lancashire Evening Post.

When a pair of concrete wellingtons that the late Sir Ken Dodd gave me as a birthday present went missing from my front garden, I was taken back by the publicity it aroused.

A few weeks after the fuss had died down, I received an email from comedian Bernie Clifton.

It read: “Jimmy, let me know when you’ve had enough publicity from this and I’ll bring them back.”

I roared with laughter.

At the ripe young age of 87, our Bernie is still touring the country gigging, playing practical jokes and spreading happiness everywhere he goes.

Let’s go back to where it all began.

Bernie Quinn was born in St Helens just before the Second World War started and spent his childhood hiding under his bed when the sirens went off.

He was only four years old when a bomb fell on their neighbour’s house four doors away.

Their 14-year-old daughter who used to teach him magic tricks perished in the blast; in his profound sadness, he realised at that early age how fragile life can be.

Kids wore clogs to school in those days and although he scraped through his 11 plus, it was all downhill from then on in.

Happily scoring touchdowns

He was more interested in who was number one in the hit parade of the day, than what went on in the classroom.

His mum persuaded him to become an apprentice plumber, but after he flooded half the neighbourhood that all came to an abrupt end.

Conscription came calling and he joined the RAF.

When he showed his skills as a rugby league player, they signed him up for the local air base team and he sailed through his National Service happily scoring touchdowns.

Reading his autobiography recently, I was quite taken aback at how much Bernie and I had in common.

We both frittered away our time at school; we both messed up every job we took up.

It was only when we both entered the entertainment profession that we found our true calling

In Bernie’s case, it was when he got up to sing with the local dance band in his hometown of St Helens.

Queen Elizabeth giggling at his antics

From there he toured the Yorkshire social clubs as a vocalist, before he found his true calling in comedy.

He got his first big break on the television variety show The Good Old Days, where he met comedy legend Les Dawson who advised him to be a prop comic.

Not long after that, a famous propmaker made Bernie the prop that was to become his calling card – Oswald the Ostrich.

Bernie got so excited when he first saw it that he jumped into it and ran outside.

The sight of a grown man running up and down the street in false ostrich legs had passers-by spellbound.

Would you believe he actually ran the London marathon for charity in a lighter version of the costume?

From then on in, there was no looking back for our Bernard.

He became resident comedian on the children’s hit tv series Crackerjack.

The Royal Variety show beckoned where he had her Majesty Queen Elizabeth giggling at his antics.

Naturally our career paths have crossed from time to time and I’m always in awe the way he radiates the same enthusiasm and energy for comedy, and showbiz, in his eighties, that he had when he started out as a ballroom band singer.

Try to catch his live act readers. He’ll have you laughing hysterically at his visual comedy one minute, and sobbing the next when he performs a song like Bring Him Home from the stage musical Les Misérables.

In the meantime, treat yourselves to his autobiography, Crackerjack to Vegas (www.bannisterpublications.com).

See you next month!

Show business? More like monkey business! 150 150 mhamer

Show business? More like monkey business!

A planned television sketch starring Jimmy Cricket  alongside a chimpanzee ended being simply monkey business!A planned television sketch starring Jimmy Cricket alongside a chimpanzee made a monkey out of the producer!

Comedian Jimmy tells the funny story in his latest newspaper column.

Writing in the Lancashire Evening Post, Jimmy says…

My past may not have been murky, but it certainly got a bit muddled at times.

In the early 90s I hosted a children’s TV series called The Joke Machine, produced by an ITV regional company at the time called Border Television.

Previous hosts had been The Krankies and Stu Francis and the series did exactly what it said on the tin – we went round schools, in the Carlisle area, asking the boys and girls to tell their favourite jokes to camera.

Then we invited the schools in question to the studio, where I performed sketches with guest artistes, to add a bit of variety to the mix.

I remember a boxer sketch with a famous fighter of that time called John Conteh and another one where TV comedy actor Paul Shane who played Ted Bovis in the hit TV comedy sit com Hi-de-Hi! and I dressed up in budgie costumes… as you do.

Our producer, Henry, approached me one day to say he’d booked a chimp to do a sketch with me.

Yes, you heard right readers – chimp as in chimpanzee.

“What exactly is the concept of the sketch, Henry?” I enquired.

“We don’t need a concept,” retorted Henry.

Unbounded enthusiasm

“Chimps are naturally funny. They steal every show they go on

“Remember those Tarzan movies we saw in the cinemas when we were kids.

“His best friend was a chimp called Cheetah. He was hilarious, he even had his own fan club!”

Henry’s unbounded enthusiasm washed away all my scepticism and he finished by saying: “We’ll put you and the chimp together at a table, put a few snacks in front of you both and let the cameras roll.”

On the day of the shoot, the chimp turned up very dapperly dressed in his trousers, braces, and T-shirt with his minder who placed him beside me at the table and Henry shouted “action, roll ’em!”

So, what happened, I hear you saying to yourselves.

Well, absolutely nothing happened.

The chimp just sat there staring at me and I stared straight back at him.

Bunch of bananas

After five minutes of this deafening silence, Henry rushed out of his director’s box and on to the studio floor barking instructions at me.

“Pinch one of his biscuits! Tickle his toes!”

All of which I duly did, but to no avail. The chimp didn’t move a muscle.

In fact, I was half expecting him to lean across and say: “Let’s play it dumb and we’ll divide the dosh between us!”

Eventually, an exhausted – and disconsolate – Henry shouted “cut!” and went for a lie-down.

I went for a cup of tea and the chimp headed straight to his minder who was waving a bunch of bananas.

I felt so sorry for Henry. The chimp must have cost him a few bob.

Perhaps we got him on a bad day? That’s showbiz!

Jimmy’s autobiography available now!

Don’t forget that Jimmy’s official autobiography is still on sale.

Memoirs Of An Irish Comedian tells the heart-warming story of Jimmy’s illustrious life and career – told in his own words.

The paperback costs £11.99 and is available at online retailer Amazon here.

One pound from the sale of every book goes to Mary’s Meals.

The charity supports feeding projects in some of the world’s poorest communities.

Also read – Autobiography: Buy The Jimmy Cricket Story now!

Read more about Jimmy’s life and career here.

All his tour bookings and other events can be found here.

Sorry saga has a happy ending – like all good pantos! 150 150 mhamer

Sorry saga has a happy ending – like all good pantos!

Jimmy Cricket has had a couple of unfortunate moments with the press over the years, though one of them had a happy ending.

Jimmy Cricket has had a couple of unfortunate moments with the press over the years, though one of them had a happy ending.

The famous funnyman told readers in his Monday newspaper column for November that they involved the Sunday People and the Lichfield Mercury.

Writing in the Lancashire Evening Post, Jimmy said: “It was a quiet Sunday morning in summertime, around about the mid 1980s when the phone rang.

It was my oldest brother John calling from Northern Ireland. ‘I’ve got the Sunday People newspaper right in front of me’, he said in an agitated tone.

‘And the headline states that you’re frightened to visit your hometown of Belfast because you’re a Catholic and your wife May is a Protestant!’

‘But that’s preposterous, John,’ I replied, trying to calm him down.

‘Why, only a few months ago, the TV Times paid for me and my family to go to over to the province with a journalist and photographer to visit all the tourist attractions like the Mountains of Mourne and the Giant’s Causeway and extol the virtues of a family holiday over there for the Northern Ireland Tourist Board.’

When John then enquired if I was going to take legal action, I replied that I’d rather write straight to the editor, appeal to his better nature and get a retraction printed in one of the future editions of his newspaper.

Thrity-eight years later, I’m still waiting for a reply from him.

You’ll be happy to know readers, that the second half of this column takes an upbeat turn, and it centres around a rare instance where a newspaper journalist really did retract his opinion.

In 2003, the Garrick Theatre in Lichfield opened its doors.

Empty seats

It was named after an actor of the 17th century called David Garrick who was born in the town and who went to become a famous Shakespearean actor in London.

The Christmas of that year I was part of a pantomime production of Cinderella that played there.

Being the very first panto in, the theatre management had very little time to build up advance bookings, so our opening night was very quiet.

I can still see in my mind’s eye the mother of the young actress who played Cinderella, sitting in an empty auditorium holding a bouquet of flowers and surrounded by empty seats.

Unfortunately, one of the few people who did occupy a seat was the critic from the local newspaper – the Lichfield Mercury.

No doubt fired up by a lack of response from a practically non-existent audience, he gave a scathing review of our production.

Despite a deep gloom descending on the cast when the newspaper hit the streets the next morning, we buoyed ourselves up by the fact that we’d done the same production the year before in Truro, Cornwall and played to respectable audiences.

Unduly harsh

Then, after the first week, comments began to appear in the letters page of the Lichfield Mercury.

From pensioners to Girl Guides, they were all unanimous in their praise for the panto and thought the critic was being unduly harsh in his criticism of it.

Then, a few days before Christmas, there was a knock on my dressing room door.

When I opened it, standing in front of me was the critic himself with a photographer by his side.

In a remorseful tone, he said: ‘All right, I admit I was wrong.

I’m going I take it all back… and to illustrate the fact, if you go and get one of those paper plates full of shaving foam that you use in the slapstick sketch, and hit me in the face with it, we’ll take a photo to go with the retraction.’

And so readers, like all good pantomimes, this article has a happy ending!”

Also read: Mary’s Meals: ‘What better way to start the festive season!’

Why my This is Your Life moment almost never happened 150 150 mhamer

Why my This is Your Life moment almost never happened

Jimmy Cricket was once the star of TV's This Is Your Life - but it nearly never happened.

Jimmy Cricket was once the star of TV’s This Is Your Life – but it nearly never happened.

In the popular primetime programme, the host would pop in unexpectedly on a special guest.

The celebrity would then be transported to a television studio and be taken through their life with the assistance of the ‘big red book’ and the help of friends and family.

This Is Your Life was originally broadcast live and alternated between on the BBC and  on ITV over the years.

It was on 29 September 1987 when famous funnyman Jimmy was surprised by presenter Eamonn Andrews on a central London building site.

Jimmy has been recalling the whole experience, which included an amazing coincidence, in his latest Saturday column in the Lancashire Evening Post.

“It happened in the late 1980s but I can still remember it to this day… I’d just come up from the underground and as I stepped out into one of London’s busiest thoroughfares, Oxford Circus, who should I see in front of my eyes but my sister-in-law Evelyn strolling along with her husband Barry by her side.

What made it even more surprising was that Evelyn had emigrated to Australia 15 years before.

Bigger surprise

We exchanged a few pleasantries and Evelyn then mentioned that she’d be up to see her sister May in Rochdale in the coming days.

The object of my visit to London was to promote a book I’d just written called Letters From My Mammy.

So the next morning my agent/manager Phyllis Rounce and I were driven to a building site where the publishers had arranged for me to have some publicity shots taken.

Little did I know that another even bigger surprise was in store for me.

As our car approached this building site, whom should I see but Evelyn again, and beside her a man wearing a black and white donkey jacket, with a yellow tin hat on his head, carrying a big red book under his arm.

And as we drew closer, it became clear that the man was none other than a famous television personality of that era called Eamonn Andrews.

As I stepped out of the car, he greeted me with his soft Irish dulcet tones: “Last night you saw your sister-in-Law Evelyn in the street in London, but tonight Jimmy Cricket, This is your life.

Melodious singing

It had all started many years before, in the summer of 1972, when in my mid-20s, I got job as a Pontin Bluecoat at their holiday camp in Middleton Towers near Morecambe.

Three young sisters – May, Margaret and Evelyn – also worked there as waitresses, and, as they too came from Belfast, I struck up an instant rapport with them.

After they’d finished their dining room duties, May and Margaret would get up in the Sundowner Bar and, under the name The Tweedie Sisters, regale the holidaymakers with their melodious singing.

I was bowled over by the reception the girls got and as I harboured a burning desire to be a full-time comic myself, I hatched a plan that when the season finished at the camp, we would all head off to seek our fame and fortune.

As Manchester was the nearest area with a thriving club scene, we decided to try our luck there.

Evelyn, the eldest sister, was crucial to the project because she was the only one of us who could actually drive.

Recklessness of youth!

I remember one particular night when we were all coming back from a gig and our clapped-out banger broke down.

Two policemen got out of their patrol car to help us, when they saw us pushing it.

When we eventually did get it to go and they waved us off, we all gave a mighty sigh of relief… little did our boys in blue realise that our vehicle was neither taxed nor insured.

Oh the recklessness of youth! It was around this time that Evelyn decided to emigrate to Oz.

Back to This Is Your Life… because of the surprise meet-up in Oxford Circus the night before, the programme itself was very nearly cancelled.

What saved the day was the fact that May had been told her sister wouldn’t be able to come over from Australia.

So, just before the end of the show when Eamonn enquired about Evelyn, I was able to turn the tables and tell her the good news.

Then on came Evelyn for an emotional reunion with her sisters.

Affinity

The only sad bit was that Eamonn himself passed away peacefully in hospital a few weeks later.

It was said he actually watched the show shortly before his death and I have felt an affinity with him ever since.

The programme can be seen on my website – see link below.

The site also contains a fuller version of these events in my autobiography Memoirs of an Irish Comedian.”

The paperback version of Jimmy’s autobiography costs £11.99 at online retailer Amazon.

It is also available via eBook and audio formats.

Signed copies (£13.99 including postage and packing) can be purchased on this website here.

It is also on sale at Jimmy’s live gigs for £10 where he will sign it.

One pound from the sale of every book goes to Mary’s Meals.

Also read: Jimmy Cricket’s signed autobiographies now available by post!

Watch: Jimmy Cricket on TV’s This Is Your Life

 

The day I (constructively) heckled the great Tony Christie… 150 150 mhamer

The day I (constructively) heckled the great Tony Christie…

Jimmy Cricket has revealed how he once helped out singer Tony Christie during a show - by shouting out from the audience!

Jimmy Cricket has revealed how he once helped out singer Tony Christie during a show – by shouting out from the audience!

In his new Saturday column in the Lancashire Evening Post, Jimmy explains the reason behind his “constructive heckle”.

Tony, now in his 80s, found fame in the 1970s with songs such as (Is This the Way to) Amarillo.

In 2002, comedian Peter Kay used Amarillo on his TV show Phoenix Nights, leading to a resurgence in the song’s popularity.

Jimmy recalls: “I’ve got a confession to make, readers, I recently heckled another act and it was none other than the great Tony Christie.

“Let me explain. In July of this year I did a show for Talking Pictures TV.

“It’s a channel that specialises in golden oldie movies and television shows and every now and then they take their cameras to one of the quaint, beautiful old cinemas dotted around the country that have managed to avoid the bulldozer.

Scratching their heads

“The one in question here was the Savoy in Monmouth, Wales.

“Tony and his live band had performed a stunning set that included his great hits like  Avenues and Alleyways and, of course, (Is This the Way to) Amarillo, when one of the hosts of the event, the renowned broadcaster Mike Read, came on stage.

“They pulled up a couple of chairs and went into a convivial chit-chat.

“The subject got to football and Tony mentioned the fact that as he was born in Doncaster, his favourite boyhood team were Doncaster Rovers, and he especially liked the goalkeeper at the time who went on to play for Manchester United.

“Just then both he and Mike started scratching their heads trying to figure out his name.

“I was sitting up in the balcony and as I was pretty sure I knew who they meant, and not wishing to see a couple of pros in a scrape, I took the bull by the horns and let rip – Harry Gregg! I bellowed.

“They both gratefully accepted my interruption and were able to carry on with their conversation, so you could say it was a constructive heckle.

“By the way, readers, Harry Gregg was one of the Manchester United players on the plane the night of the ill-fated Munich air crash.

Amazing voice

“He survived and became a hero when he managed to pull some people from the wreckage, including Bobby Charlton.

“Getting back to Tony Christie, I remember supporting Tony in the mid-seventies.

“It was a week’s engagement at a cabaret club in Liverpool called The Wooky Hollow.

“I used to go on before him and after I’d come off and change into my civvies, I’d hear this amazing voice belting out his golden hits with a full orchestra.

“I was hooked and used to slip out into the audience and watch his complete show.

“Tony was at the top of his game then and I use to hum his hits as I drove back to our little terraced house in Rochdale.

“When I’d arrive home, I ‘d find a note on the table from Mrs Cricket – I knew you’d stay behind to watch Tony so I left your supper in the oven.

“One last quick story on this subject, friend… I met the lyric writer for those big hits of Tony’s and he told me that he liked to think of those songs like I Did what I Did for Maria as three-minute movies.

“He also told me that when he wrote the first big hit with composer Mitch Murray, Hey, Las Vegas, can nothing save us from you, and they were looking for the right singer to sing it, his postman said he’d just seen this amazing singer at his local club called Tony Christie.

“I think that story’s kind of cute, don’t you?

“You can catch the Talking Pictures TV channel on Sky 328, Freeview 82, Freeset 306 and Virgin 445.

“Their website is www.talkingpictures.co.uk

“See you next month!”

Also read: ‘Thrilled’ over Kindle sales of autobiography on Amazon

I wish the new Prime Minister well, but… 150 150 mhamer

I wish the new Prime Minister well, but…

New UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has received some advice from newspaper columnist and famous funnyman Jimmy Cricket.

New UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has received some advice from newspaper columnist and famous funnyman Jimmy Cricket.

Now writing monthly for the Lancashire Evening Post on a Saturday, Jimmy warns the PM in his August column: “All your flowery pre-election promises can turn to dust.”

He adds: “It’s not like pantomime where the fairy godmother can change everything with a wave of her wand.”

Here’s is the column in full:

Well, the general election has come and gone readers and, depending on whom you voted for, you’ll either be toasting with a glass of beer or crying into it.

I did hear that a few days before the election that Keir Starmer was seen in our local swimming baths in Rochdale… he was looking for a floating voter!

You see, I never let you down!

I wish the new Prime Minister well, but it’s not like pantomime where the fairy godmother can change everything with a wave of her wand.

A New York mayor once said: “You canvass in poetry and govern in prose.”

In other words, all your flowery pre-election promises can turn to dust in daily grind of day-to-day politics.

Gem of a place

A week before the election, Equity sent out a message to all its members telling us to vote for the candidates who won’t cut funding for the arts.

It’s a difficult one because people have bigger worries.

Like keeping hospitals open and making sure there’s enough police on the streets.

The local theatre isn’t exactly their first priority.

Having said all that, I once got involved in trying to save a theatre.

The Princess Theatre (pictured) above) in Hunstanton is a gem of a place.

It stands proudly, and majestically, in the centre of the town on a slight hill overlooking the sea.

I got wind that the local council wanted to close it.

When I say local council, it was actually under the jurisdiction of King’s Lynn Council, which is about 25 mile down the road.

I politely asked them to think twice about pulling down a beautiful theatre that families could come out and enjoy a live show.

We owed it to future generations to keep its doors open.

After all, I continued, hadn’t the late Princess Diana herself taken William and Harry when they were small to a pantomime theate when they were staying at Sandringham on their Christmas break (I’d known the producer of that panto – Mark Andrews)?

Strong and flourishing

A few weeks later, I received a nasty letter from the leader of King’s Lynn Council, asking me who did I think I was meddling in their affairs before adding caustically: “And who are you anyway? I’ve never heard of you.”

To be honest folks, I was quite taken aback by his bluntness, as I’d always been brought up to think councillors were the pillars of the community.

But you have to take it on the chin. It’s so much easier to do nothing, but if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

I’m happy to say that due to public pressure King’s Lynn Council reconsidered their decision and the Princess Theatre in Hunstanton is still going strong and flourishing.

And there’s more… I’d like to finish on a story I heard recently about a barber who cuts the hair of a florist.

When the florist offers to pay, the barber says: “I’m sorry, I’m on community service and I’m not allowed to accept any money.”

New UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer has received some advice from newspaper columnist and famous funnyman Jimmy Cricket.

The next morning, when the barber turns up for work,there’s a dozen red roses outside his shop.

When he gives a policeman a short back and sides and tells him his story, the next morning when he turns up for work, there’s a dozen donuts outside his shop.

Then a politician turns up. When he cuts his hair and explains the situation to him, the next morning when he turns up for work there’s a dozen politicians waiting for a free haircut!

Buy Jimmy’s autobiography!

Don’t forget that Jimmy’s official autobiography is on sale.

Jimmy Cricket with his autobiography

Memoirs Of An Irish Comedian tells the heart-warming story of Jimmy’s illustrious life and 50-year career.

The paperback version costs £11.99 at online retailer Amazon. It is also available via eBook and audio.

Signed copies (£15.99 including postage and packing) can be purchased on this website here.

It is also available at Jimmy’s live gigs for £10, where Jimmy will also sign it.

One pound from the sale of every book goes to Mary’s Meals.

The charity supports feeding projects in some of the world’s poorest communities.

Also read: Jimmy Cricket’s signed autobiographies now available by post!