Posts Tagged :

twitter

There’s more… what sound does a witch make when she drives off? 150 150 mhamer

There’s more… what sound does a witch make when she drives off?

What sound does a witch make when she drives off?

You’ll find the answer below – and there are plenty more one-liners for you to enjoy.

Popular Northern Irish comedian Jimmy Cricket keeps all his fans and followers entertained with a regular joke posted on Twitter.

Funnyman Jimmy Cricket tells regular jokes online

Here’s another selection of his latest quips for you to enjoy…

I’ve just found out that 50% of anglers are using the wrong fishing bait… if this gets out it could open a can of worms!

It’s great getting older… you get to see what happens next.

I took a parcel into the post office and the fella behind the counter weighed it… he said: “This is too heavy, you need another stamp.” I said: “Another stamp will make it even heavier!”

The man that runs the local shoe repairs shop hasn’t been feeling too well lately… but I’m happy to say he’s on the mend!

Blackpool is one of the cleanest of our seaside resorts… even the seagulls use the public toilets.

Our window cleaner has got the whole street sown up… nobody else can get a look in!

I’ve just seen a very rare painting of Chief Sitting Bull… it’s the only one where he’s standing up!

Last night I ate my pillow, this morning I munched on a cushion and tomorrow I’m going to gorge out on my sofa… you just can’t beat comfort food.

Okay followers, come closer. How’s this one…. what sound does a witch make when she drives off? Broom! Broom!

I hope the chancellor puts money into small businesses and the housing sector. It’ll mean window cleaners will be able to get on the property ladder.

I told my friend it was a mistake to have plastic surgery. It was as plain as the nose on his forehead.

James Bond once had a lucky escape from an earthquake! He was shaken but not stirred.

They’ve asked me to do a reality programme about a group of people sharing a boat on a canal… I told them I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole.

See more of funnyman Jimmy’s jokes and keep up to date with everything he’s doing at https://twitter.com/jimmy__cricket

Also read – From the archives: Jimmy the Butlin’s camp comic!

 

Never play Monopoly with a boxer… more Twitter one-liners 150 150 mhamer

Never play Monopoly with a boxer… more Twitter one-liners

Funnyman Jimmy Cricket tells regular jokes online

Why should you never play Monopoly with a boxer… ?

Comic Jimmy Cricket reveals the reason in his latest series of one-liners.

The ever-green entertainer regularly posts jokes on social media to amuse all his fans and friends.

Here is another selection of Jimmy’s latest gags – including the light-hearted answer to the Monopoly question.

I know why Houdini was such a great escapologist… he had a get-out clause in his act.

I’ve just been offered a politically correct version of the pantomime Snow White… in it, the seven little fellas come on singing: “Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, it’s off to woke we go!”

When my Uncle Tom woke up and found that all the hay had been pinched from his barn, he said: “That’s the last straw!”

I’ll never forget the time I wrote a book on wrestling. On the way to the publisher I slipped twice. That was the day I had 2 falls and a submission.

So I was driving along and I saw this fella broke down by the side of the road. I said: “What’s the trouble?” He said: “I’ve run out of petrol.” I said: “Well, I’ve got a full tank, follow me!

Little Bo Peep has shortened her name… oh aye, you’d be hard put to get a peep out of her these days.

Folks I’ve got this theory and I’d like to share it with you… come closer, you know all those reckless drivers that weave in and out of traffic… I think they’re all heading to the same pub… the Cutters Inn!!!

Learning to fry an egg

Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the railway track… because he wanted to lay it on the line.

I’ll never forget the time I sent a birthday card to Neil Armstrong… he was over the moon!

It took me ages to learn to fry an egg… then I finally cracked it!

Never play Monopoly with a boxer… he’ll only knock your block off!!

I was in a restaurant yesterday and I just couldn’t decide which fish to have from the menu… I was caught between a rock and a hard plaice!

See more of funnyman Jimmy’s jokes and keep up to date with everything he’s doing at https://twitter.com/jimmy__cricket

Also read – From the archives: Jimmy the Butlin’s camp comic!

 

More Twitter fun from your favourite comedian! 150 150 mhamer

More Twitter fun from your favourite comedian!

Funnyman Jimmy Cricket tells regular jokes onlineHere are some more of those hilarious one-liners from famous funnyman Jimmy Cricket.

The popular Northern Irish comedian regularly posts jokes on social media to entertain fans and friends.

And the following is a selection of Jimmy’s latest gags from his Twitter account.

Lots of fish can’t believe it when they’re caught… Some of them are gutted.

Movies about hurricanes leave me cold!

I’ve heard that occasionally Thomas the Tank Engine would lose his temper…that’s not such a bad thing, it’s good to let steam off every now and then.

Never have a barney with an octopus…You’ll only have him up in arms!

Two television weathermen had a barney in the pub. One accused the other of stealing his thunder!

I feel sorry for the people of Jersey….If President Macron cuts off their electricity, they’re going to have to watch the tele in the dark.

I don’t always talk about space exploration… Maybe once in a blue moon.

I’ve just got a new fridge!… How cool is that?

The plot thickens!

It’s okay for Boris to say we can hug each other again, but I’ve just hugged the blonde lady who lives down the road and she slapped my face!

I think Barbie should marry Ken. I mean where could she find another fella like that? He’s out of the top drawer.

I think the Beeb should hire more ex-football referees… That way the public would see they’re not afraid to employ whistleblowers.

I worked for a bad tempered photographer once. Every time he got mad he would throw the camera at me… I still get flashbacks.

I’ve just written a play about a man who keeps emptying a small portion of soil into his neighbour’s allotment every day… As the story unfolds, the plot thickens!

Read more of funnyman Jimmy’s jokes and keep up to date with everything he’s doing at https://twitter.com/jimmy__cricket

Also read – From the archives: Jimmy the Butlin’s camp comic!

From the archives: Secret service sketch from TV series 150 150 mhamer

From the archives: Secret service sketch from TV series

Jimmy Cricket has been posting more sketches from his 1980s TV series.

Jimmy Cricket has highlighted another sketch from his 1980s TV series on social media.

Central Television hosted And There’s More.

The famous Northern Irish comedian linked to the latest sketch in which he plays a hapless secret service agent called Wally!

Wally is shown to his hotel room by a hotel porter.

He receives a message which he thinks is in code, until the porter points out the piece of paper is upside down.

Wally gives it to the porter to read and it begins: “On no account, let the hotel porter see this note!”

And so he immediately grabs it back off her.

Watch the full sketch on Jimmy’s Twitter account here.

He said on social media: “Hi folks! Editing snippets from, And There’s More, series for the website.

“Thought I would share this one with you, for all those who miss sketch shows on the telly.

“This one is for you! #savethearts.”

Jimmy became a household name with And There’s More, which ran for a total of three years between 1985 and 1988.

Keep an eye on the homepage of this website for more sketches from And There’s More.

Watch series two episode four of And There’s More

Also read: Brian Conley among special guests in 1980s TV show

 

Jovial joker Jimmy joins Jive Aces for ‘JiveStream’ 150 150 mhamer

Jovial joker Jimmy joins Jive Aces for ‘JiveStream’

Hi folks! Why not join us this coming Monday on Facebook, as six aces and a joker share some chat and swing live on Facebook, looking forward to working again with these internationally acclaimed group of guys, (Ian, Vince, John, Alex, Ken, Peter), the Jive Aces

Jimmy Cricket is joining the Jive Aces as a special guest on their daily virtual show.

The UK music band present a ‘JiveStream’ every day during the coronavirus lockdown.

Tomorrow’s episode (Monday 3 August) will be their 140th and features our Jimmy.

The performance begins at 8.30pm.

Popular comic Jimmy tweeted: “Hi folks! Why not join us this coming Monday on Facebook, as six aces and a joker share some chat and swing live on Facebook.

“Looking forward to working again with these internationally acclaimed group of guys, (Ian, Vince, John, Alex, Ken, Peter).”

The Jive Aces say ‘JiveStream’ is “an hour of swingin’ music, quality banter, celebrity call-ins, prize draw giveaways and utter stupidity every day during the lock from 8:30pm UK time”.

You can watch the show on YouTube, Facebook or Twitch at the links below:

http://www.facebook.com/jiveaces/live

http://www.youtube.com/jiveaces/live

http://www.twitch.tv/jiveaces

Wikipedia says the band have long been recognised as one of the top swing bands in the world.

They have performed in more than 40 countries.

The June 2015 issue of Vintage Rock magazine described the group as the “UK’s number one jive and swing band”.

The six-member group were formed in 1989 and were Britain’s Got Talent semi-finalists in 2012.

They have released 11 albums and performed at numerous music festivals.

Also read: Tea on the green in Exeter with the Jive Aces

Hi folks! Why not join us this coming Monday on Facebook, as six aces and a joker share some chat and swing live on Facebook, looking forward to working again with these internationally acclaimed group of guys, (Ian, Vince, John, Alex, Ken, Peter), called the Jive Aces

I’m in love with the lady in my sat nav – hear the song 150 150 mhamer

I’m in love with the lady in my sat nav – hear the song
Jimmy Cricket sings I'm in love with the lady in my sat nav
Jimmy Cricket sings about the lady in his sat nav in his latest video!

It’s a song the popular Northern Irish comedian has been performing for several years.

The name of the musical composition is I’m in love with the lady in my sat nav.

Jimmy posted it on social media and said: “Hi folks! It’s here again, and hoping to share some weekend cheer! #Staysafe Rainbow”

Listen to Jimmy’s song here about the lady in his sat nav.

A poster on Twitter said: “Thanks for all you’re doing to keep smiles on our faces Jimmy, you’re a gem.”
Jimmy previously sang about the time he rescued the legendary Molly Malone.

He tells how he fixed the wheels on her wheelbarrow!

Listen to Jimmy’s Molly Malone song here.

100 lockdown videos – ‘coming into the home straight!’ 150 150 mhamer

100 lockdown videos – ‘coming into the home straight!’

Jimmy Cricket is just 10 away from completing a century of his special daily video messages.Jimmy Cricket is just 10 away from completing a century of his special daily video messages.

The famous Northern Irish comedian has been sending all his fans and friends togetherness posts as the world fights coronavirus.

The UK government announced on 23 March it was imposing strict new curbs on life in the UK.

However, the restrictions for the Covid-19 lockdown are starting to be relaxed nation-wide.

Jimmy has been posting the videos on social media with the message: “We can do this together!”

He created the first daily message the day before the lockdown and has attempted to give them topical themes.

Jimmy told a few jokes in the clip and urged people to help each other in these tough times.

He said: “Once we get though this, at the end of the tunnel, we’ll all have a great big huddle together.”

Jimmy Cricket's self-isolating message just before the start of the lockdown. He now sends daily video messages

Jimmy has decided to halt the videos at 100 – he posted number 90 on Sunday (28 June).

He tweeted: “We’ve Been Doing This Together. Message 90. Coming into the home straight! Hundred points symbol jokes folks! #StayAlert” Rainbow

Watch post 90 here.

In May, Jimmy wrote this message to all his fans, friends and followers.

In it, he said: “It was my youngest daughter Katie who suggested I do a joke each day on social media not long after the lockdown had kicked in.

“Before we knew it, we’d got to day 54 when one of our Facebookers suggested I go for the 100 jokes.

“His name was Paul Ritchie and I bought into his idea right away.

“After all, I can’t go on indefinitely

“When I say daily jokes, they come in various forms. It could be a couple of quick one-liners or a longer joke with a punchline.

‘Phenomenal job’

“In some cases it could be a poem. The trick is to keep it short. After all, there’s no live audience so it’s a silent feedback.

“I put on my character costume of tail coat, hat and wellingtons and do them in weekly batches of seven and just drop them in each day one at a time.

“Mrs Cricket’s the one behind the camera and she does a phenomenal job.

“I’m constantly astounded how good the quality is on her iPhone.

“I try to make them relevant to what’s happening in the news.

“I’m thrilled by the emails and texts I get from people telling me how much I cheer them up.

“Look forward to welcoming as many people as possible on my journey of lockdown levity.”

Also read: Coronavirus pandemic: We can do this together!

Watch video of Jimmy’s lockdown lament